Hello, friend.
It’s been quite some time since I last checked in.
Allow me to indulge you in a brief recap.
I moved to New York City in the autumn of 2022. I spent the months leading up to it busting my ass in preparation. I’ve since become a resident of the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Many of my dearest friends will tell you that my recent life changes could be referred to as a “dream realized” or a “manifestation”.
I call it a miracle.
Cheesy, I know.
When I was a young tween, I dreamt of “making it” here in New York City. I fantasized about calling the Upper West Side my home. I imagined a life for myself – self-sufficient, hard-working, lovely. These adjectives ring true to this day.
Like many New York transplants, I worked incredibly hard to get to this place.
A lot of prayer, thought, consideration, and hesitation bled into this relocation. I laughed, I cried, I marveled as it all came together. As every piece of the puzzle fit into its rightful place. I rejoiced with the ones I loved, the ones who supported me, who helped further my movement towards this moment – where I can write to you from the living room of my UWS apartment.
I welcomed 2023 with open and very tired arms.
Now, we are nearing the end of January. Her curtain draws to close. Time sure fucking flies, doesn’t it?
I turned 26 years old this year. It was weird. Coming to terms with the fact that I am officially in my mid-twenties. When I was 25, I was able to walk the line. Flirt with the idea of being in my early twenties vs my late. But once the clock struck midnight in January*, I had to turn the page. Gone are my early twenties. I’ve now entered what I like to call “The Era of No Bullshit”.
There’s no denying it. I’m getting older. My Gen-Z friends like to tease my very Millennial ways. My forehead already has a few wrinkles. But that’s okay. Wrinkles are sexy.
I wonder, friend, if you’ve ever toyed with the idea of writing a letter to your younger self. Granted, the notion is somewhat trite. Nevertheless, this is a space where we embrace challenges – be they dumb or not.
So, I’ve written a direct and brief letter to my younger self. To be enjoyed at your own leisure.
Past Me,
Below, you will find a few tips on how to survive/avoid bad grades, bad hair styles, and bad boyfriends.
1: KEEP IT NATURAL
Beware of the hair dye. Avoid bleach at all costs. It will kill your pretty hair. Rid yourself of the phrase, “Plain Jane” because 1) it is an insult to all Jane’s out there, and 2) It does not apply to you. Your name is not Jane. One day, you will miss your thick, wavy, dark-auburn locks. You don’t have the right skin tone to rock blonde anyway. I suggest that you, instead, opt for some pretty caramel highlights or vermillion lowlights (not too brassy, though. Keep it under control).
2: “A” IS HARD TO RHYME WITH A WORD THAT’S NOT “GAY”
It’s okay if you don’t get straight A’s in school. Your incessant need for academic validation will be something you will later discuss with your therapist. You will learn that this is simply a coping mechanism and not something you need to get angina over. Chill the fuck out. You’ve got this.
3: VODKA SCHMODKA
Stay away from clear, hard liquors unless they are evenly balanced out by non-alcoholic substances. Trade in the vodka shots for a better-tasting ginger mule. Cocktails are basic and cliche for a reason! Take full advantage of those sweet beverages rather than the shit that makes your throat burn and your integrity vanish.
4: EAT
Being 5’5 and barely a hundred pounds is pathetic, not pretty. Look in the mirror every now and then, make sure you are honoring your height with your weight.
5: HUG YOUR PARENTS
Enough said.
6: DRINK MORE WINE, KISS FEWER BOYS
Don’t go around kissing boys/men, unless you are dating/married to them. It makes you look naive, and it makes them look dumb. A lose-lose, here.
7: WORK IS SEXY
Don’t sacrifice your Germanic work ethic for a dude! This is a reflection of your poor judgment and lack of self-esteem. Not only that, but it won’t get you anywhere (except the bedroom, and if we’re honest, that’s not very far).
8: PRAY
Not much to say here, you get the gist.
9: SEX IS OVERRATED
Need I elaborate?
10: LIVE AUTHENTICALLY
Embrace your whole self. Your wide hips. Your cleft chin. Your anger. Your sarcasm. Just be you, in all situations. If they tell you that you’re “intimidating”, so be it. This is not a you-issue. Move on, honey.
11: PERFECT ISN’T FUN
There is gentleness to be had with yourself. Work hard, seek out wisdom. These things come naturally to you. Lean into your best self, but don’t be a jerk to your worst self. You value fairness, so be fair to yourself.
12: LAUGH
Don’t take shit so seriously. Learn to laugh more. God has a sense of humor, why can’t you?
Till next time, friend!
M’wah!
XoXo

*Yes, I’m a Capricorn. Earth signs for the win!